I've been saying “be with me, learn EFT” for a lot of years. I love helping couples and therapists develop security. So in 2011 when Victor Yalom (of Psychotherapy.net fame) approached me about doing a series of training videos showing EFT across time, or more importantly across stages, I thought was a great idea. We pulled in Scott Woolley and in 2012 we recruited couples, got a film crew and started filming. It took us four year to produce the course EFT Step by Step and it's the best selling online course about EFT- but I digress from EFT: A Complete Treatment.
Somehow in all the discussions of vision and need in the training video field I never imagined an uncut, unedited version of my sessions with Carl and Sandra being promoted and sold as it's own product (click here for more info). I imagined it edited and lost in the stacks of underutilized videos in university libraries. After all, who wants to watch 14 hours of straight session video? Or so I thought. I never really considered, or planned, for my work to be so visible. So the day Victor emailed me and said it was produced and announced as the leading new product in psychotherapy.net's newsletter I was quite surprised and immediately had, cold chill run through me. Oh no, what was I thinking?
Even though I do LOTS of consultation sessions as demo's of EFT, and I teach using video tape of my work on a regular basis, and feel good about my work I entered new territory with these videos. On one level, that feels really good. I like facing challenges and promoting Emotionally Focused Therapy. The videos are a good representation of where I am and how I work, right now, and I know couples I work with get better, that EFT works. I also know my craft continues to get better, I continue to study, learn and get more experience so the videos are a demarkation of where I am in time not of who I am. I feel confident about those things. Even with all that, the uncut/unedited format feels like I'm way out there, you know, exposed and vulnerable.
I learned a lot from doing the taping, those first few sessions I was nervous in front of the big cameras and lights. It was like being a beginning EFTer all over again – and so good to be reminded of how it feels in uncertainty. I think session two was one of my worst experiences as a therapist in many years. The shame of having the client turn and rightfully scold me (you'll want to see that) – because I was very out of attunement – was intense. It was a gift to me in the end that he protested such, and that I had colleagues to turn to with my shameful feelings. When I fall down you get to see how I get back up (usually) and how much grace the clients give me because they so much need to find each other. I always carry this feeling that if I can do EFT you can too, (given study and practice) and I think these tapes will fortify that idea.
Well come to find out, now that the videos have been out about a month, it is quite helpful to many people learning EFT to see the model being utilized from first session through into Stage 2. I hear there's something about being there, through the process, the repetition, the mis-steps, the escalation and the slow, soft pace and present focus that, when it all culminates into loving change, provides an experience of the change process and augments learning.
So, while I still feel like I'm a bit out there and exposed, the climate is warm. The things I did, that I do to deal with the uncertainty are:
1. Have support. I had a team behind me, and a mentor in front of me.
2. Share difficulties until they are integrated and I can learn from them.
3. Meet challenge with gratitude. Gratitude for being alive and having challenges. I remind myself I value life long learning. I'm happy I'm comfortable being a perpetual learner.
4. Remember the mission. Refocus on the reason for stepping into uncertainty.
5. Utilize feedback in two ways. a) For learning. b) For confidence building. I refill my bucket of confidence with kind feedback when feeling shaky has knocked some of it out of me.
Thank you to all of you who have sent me feedback and notes of encouragement, and your kind heartedness towards me. I don't know if my confidence bucket will ever be all the way full, as long as it's full enough for me to keep striving and facing new challenges then I'm a happy camper.
I really do hope the videos are helpful. And I think you'll love Carl and Sandra if you see them – I sure loved working with them.
You can learn more about seeing this delightful couple move towards secure attachment in Emotionally Focused Therapy: A Complete Treatment when you click here.
Here's a bit of the feedback that's encouraging to me, that I have permission to share:
“I've already started watching the first three sessions and what a great resource – it's wonderful to see you work with this couple, and to be able to see the work progress over time. I've already been able to apply some of your specific ways of intervening (such as when the client is saying “this is all too much, all this therapy, is it worth it?) and you acknowledged the question but then put it right back in the cycle – very deft! 🙂 And I love how the transcript “follows along. This is truly a wonderful resource!” Katty
“I did want to add my voice to others who have said how helpful it was to watch Becca's 10 session video on Psychotherapy.net.
Every session is worth watching. Becca is extremely skilled at fearlessly using the interaction in the room, focusing on attachment themes, putting lots of content issues into the cycle and working collaboratively with the couple to help them recognize their own patterns. She is kind, insightful and persistent in guiding this couple toward a more satisfying relationship. The couple has a strong recovery program and she works effectively in recognizing the importance of their recovery history while also blending in attachment themes of EFT.
I've seen many training tapes but it is significantly different to see an unedited 10 sessions. It was reassuring to see Becca sometimes miss and then work calmly and collaboratively with the couple to get back on track. I've noticed a big improvement in own work as I've been studying these tapes.” Barbara
“I also want to say that that having the training tapes is really great and seeing how Becca handles with such finesse all the different blocks and emotions is a great learning experience for me. It is nice to have it readily available to watch whenever I want the different segments. Thank you so much Becca for these wonderful teaching tapes!” Diana
“Everyone I supervise is buying the series and many of my friends. I am very excited that you have made this exceptional series available. I have already used many of our interventions in my work. You so gently move this couple through the steps. What a blessing!” Jean
“I just bought it and though I only have a little time to watch tonight… I know it is going to be so helpful.…to just feel you find your way along so gracefully, with so much care and ………. I don't want to say words here…. too limiting. I just want to say it's beautiful to watch you work.” Robert
“Hey Becca, I am watching a bit more of your video – really, it is so wonderful to see a “live”, an actual – where they don't answer the actual questions you ask, get back into content… and to see her get fired up and work through that… so much more realistic and applicable – thanks AGAIN! ” Laura
“Becca, your recent training video set will be so incredibly helpful. You were absolutely steadfast in tracking the cycle, ever so patient in heightening emotion, and cleverly reframing that I was suddenly jolted when they had beautiful, sweet break throughs. I said to myself, “Wait, wait now how did she do that?!!” Soooo… I got some work ahead of me and now I have this lovely couple right in my kitchen computer who can help me answer my question.” Linda
“Rebecca, I am now finished watching all ten sessions…I so admire your ability to stay “curious” with this couple and keep working to refine the patterns and emotions despite their frequent corrections, denials and attempts at exit. I am so new to EFT and hope that I can some day get half as good at this as you are. I am watching the 10 session set again from the beginning and this time taking notes. You have some really good key phrases that I think will help me slow my couples down, by into the reframe and recognize their cycle. Thanks again.” Elizabeth
If you have questions or comments about the video, please post them below.