All in a Cab Ride

As a frequent traveler, I have the opportunity of being in conversations with cab drivers fairly regularly. Today’s cabby spoke with pride about his large family (5 children) and his pleasure in his family and being able to provide for them. He spoke about feeling the true partnership with his wife and optimistic for his and his children’s future. Before I got out of the cab I let him know how grateful I was to hear that he had figured out how to create and maintain love.

In contrast, the cab driver I rode with just the time before was discouraged, uncertain about the future of his family. “My wife doesn’t understand the pressure I’m under. I’m trying so hard to do all I can but she’s upset with me so often, I don’t know what else I can do. I don’t know what happened. We were so in love. Now the baby takes all her attention and it’s like what I do just doesn’t matter at all. I don’t think we’ll last, but I want to be there to see my son grow up.”

Of course before I got out of the cab, I gave him a the 5 minute version of adult attachment and the science of love, a bit about the predictable pattern he was caught in and offered encouragement for him to share his vulnerable feelings with his wife and recommended he listen to Hold Me Tight. He was grateful at the idea there might be hope for him to turn things around. When I entered the cab he was certain it was just a matter of time before his marriage ended, as I left he said he felt more committed to find a way through his current trouble. He’ll be looking for an excellent couple’s therapist.

Understanding attachment and knowing there is hope for trouble relationships is powerful. There is hope – for real. It’s not just idealistic, wishful thinking. I see couple’s fall back in love, develop compassion and transform their relationship on a regular basis.

Yes, learning how to be an excellent couple therapist takes work, it’s not an easy speciality. This work is not for the faint of heart. It’s for people like you, people full of heart.

I’m grateful tonight that you’re out there. You, and people like you, keep me consulting and training on how to become a masterful couple therapist. It gives me a reason to get in a cab and the opportunity to share the reality of love and how to keep it alive.

In the words of Sue Johnson “I’m on the side of the relationship….I want to keep people’s hope alive.” (EFT in Action, 2011)