Something Important Just Happened

Sometimes, as process observers, we get lost. We can lose our way in the room, for a variety of reasons.

Perhaps the process we're observing and reflecting is disorganized or complex.

Or maybe we our alliance with one partner is a bit off.

Perhaps their story is too close to our own.

Or, we just might not know what to do next to be the most helpful.

If you're thrown off, what do you do?

This is really important as an EFT Therapist.

If you don't know what to do in those moments, you can try doing what I do and that will help you create your own version of what to do, because ultimately being authentically engaged in the process is key.

When I get thrown out of attunement, here's what I do:

  1. As soon as I recognize it, I say, “let's stop for a second guys, this feels really important (IT IS REALLY IMPORTANT WHEN I'M TRIGGERED OR LOST) I need to figure out where we are.”
  2. Then I breathe, I actually take a couple seconds and consciously breathe,
  3. Then I start reflecting the process that just happened in the room, reviewing the past 2 or 3 responses before I got lost. For example, I say something like; “So let's see if we can figure out what just happened. You (to one partner) J. were asking _____ and then you (to the other partner) M. said _____” and it seems something shifted right then, can you help me understand what you were hearing right there?”

The point being I have to know where I am, and connect with them if I'm going to guide the process in a way they can have an experience of connection with each other.

Our clients are astute connection detectors!

It's really important for you to feel solid, be attuned and transparent while you're tracking and normalizing. It creates safety and safety is key.